This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
