Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
