I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
