Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Randomize
