you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Randomize
