i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
