I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
