GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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