No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
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