I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Randomize
