so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Randomize
