OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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