At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
