ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
