The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
