Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
