the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize