I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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