tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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