i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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