so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Randomize
