That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Randomize
