You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
