can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
