Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
i came on her dog
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
