But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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