so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Randomize
