i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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