Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
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