So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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