he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
