My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Randomize
