i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
