Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
