Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
i jhust puked up my retainher.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize