So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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