it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
