ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
