Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
