Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
