Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
