I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
