I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize