neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Randomize
