The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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