my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
