Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
