puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
