I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
