i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Houston, we have a squirter
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it ðŸ˜
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
