She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
