I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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