All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
You're like the curious george of whores
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
