I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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