I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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