I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I am mentally ready for anal.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
