I'm gonna have a badass scar
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
