I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
