I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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