I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
