Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize