I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
