You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
They have beer where we have blood.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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