your thong is hanging out like whoa
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Randomize
