I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I'm at about main and main street
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
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