he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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