so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Randomize
