mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
