oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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