mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize
