I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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